I’m a huge jerk.
In a lot of ways, I got distracted–sidetracked–by the ideas of starting a new life somewhere far away from home. I was focused on the environment I would be spending all my time in and the relationships that I would be developing. And, in doing that, I forgot about the relationships I was leaving behind. I wasn’t as nurturing to the friendships I had already developed. I guess I assumed I didn’t need to be anymore. But I guess I was wrong. And, for that, I am sorry.
But I think in the same regard, you were all doing the same. You may have not have been relocating yourselves thousands of miles away, no, but I think you all began thinking about the future: where you wanted to be, what you wanted to be doing, who you wanted around when you were doing them. And, so, I guess if that’s what constitutes my being a huge jerk, then you are always huge jerks.
I guess we’re even.
I’m not here to try to make excuses for how I acted my last few weeks at home. I know you all have your individual problems with the way I decided to spend my time and that’s ok. We’re all entitled to our opinions, and sitting here trying to fight about them is not going to help anyone. I guess all I am writing to say is that I’m sorry that things ended the way they did–that I wasn’t able to see half of you before I changed my life and location. It’s been a weird time adjusting to not being home and not being five minutes away. I guess I took you all for granted in that regard. And, again, I can only apologize. I wish there was someway I could explain to you all how wonderful you have been, but I also know that maybe none of us (myself included) are ready to have that exact conversation.
Just know that no matter how far away we end up in life, that I am thankful for the relationships I developed with each one of you. I know I may not have always shown you, but you have helped me become who I am in more ways than you realize and many more ways than I let on. You have been some of the greatest support systems, cheerleaders, listeners, security blankets an individual could’ve asked for. You’re all amazing in your own individual ways and I know that no matter what happens between us or in your lives, that each one of you will do amazing and wonderful things. Things that you love. Things that inspire. Things that change some aspect of another’s life. Or lives. Or the world. There are no doubts that I will grow up to watch each one of you achieve something great–big or small. And there are less doubts that I will be the most proud. Whether we keep in touch or fall out of reach, I will never forget all of the things each of you have done for me. Long term friends or not, the relationships we all had were something I will take with me and cherish for as long as I can. I will take all of you with me. And I will love you for the same amount of time. Thank you for the friendships and the laughter and the arguments and the falling outs and falling ins and the memories and the strength to show me that I, too, am destined for bigger things than myself. Thank you for the strength to show me that no matter how far I go, I’ll never be too far from home.
Till next time.